You had twice the warning on the spoilers past this point, so I don’t want to hear that I’m a total #CuntyMcCuntface for writing this.
I have mixed thoughts on the episode that marked halftime on 2016’s run of the HBO hit series, Game of Thrones, titled ‘The Door’.
Sansa Stark grows a pair of ovaries after 5 and half-long seasons, and stands up for herself for the first time with Littlefinger. It was pretty awesome seeing Petyr Baelish quiver, but he does something at the end of the scene that makes me think that maybe budding Wonder Woman Sansa will be short-lived.
We are all so ready to ship #Torienne (#Briemund?), but since Sansa sends Brienne of Tarth out questing for her uncle, Brynden “The Blackfish” Tully, and his supposed army to back her claim of Winterfell, it doesn’t look like there’ll be any developments on Brienne’s lovelife anytime soon, unless she runs into the Kingslayer, Jamie Lannister, on her way to the South.
Non-blind Arya Stark continues stick-fighting at The House of Black and White, and Jaqen H’ghar decides it may be time for her to move into another phase of the course – actually trying to kill someone. Its clear that this is little Arya’s last chance, its either Lady Crane’s or her face on the wall. She meets Lady Crane on a spying sesh backstage of the theater (that by the way, was pretty entertaining), decides she is a pretty okay girl, and starts to wonder why she needs to kill the thespian. Jaqen shuts her up by stating that she is a servant of the Many-Faced god and servants shut up.
Yara and Theon galavants away with the entire (?) Iron Fleet, after being ousted from the Salt Throne at Pyke, by their own uncle, Euron Greyjoy by impressing the voters of the Kingsmoot with the details of Balon Greyjoy’s death. Really, Yara should’ve known that her fellow ironborn wouldn’t turn away by a guy (cock intact) who is willing to toss his brother off a rope bridge.
Jorah is still Lord Friend-zone and not Lord of the Stoned Men. And also, Daenerys
telling commanding him to find a cure to his incurable rock eczema is such nice way to completely send his ass to Friend-zone lands, because, obviously that’s what you tell someone with a fucked-up terminal disease. But good job on the Dothraki (but how do you go about bring all of them to Westeros tho? *Euron clears throat*), Dany.
Younger, hotter Melissandre 2.0 is introduced this episode, to help with the Mother of Dragons’ PR combined with this whole R’hollor biz. Good work, rattling Varys with his childhood trauma and all. Nice.
Bran fucks up and now is the new Three-Eyed Raven. He blatantly disobeys his boss’ rule not to go on telepathic trips solo, and ends up sending their pinpoint location to the Night’s King via Waze(teros). The Children of the Forest (the bitches responsible for the White Walkers in the first place) try to keep out the intruders with fairy grenades, but fail to do so (killing Summer, Bran’s direwolf, in the process). After a zombie attack/chase that puts AMC’s The Walking Dead to shame, Meera Reed escapes with (literally) white-eyed Bran, thanks to the heartbreakingly perfect hero, Hodor.
We now know why Hodor is, well, Hodor. In the most perfect way possible – a person like Hodor dying a hero’s death. I experienced almost every possible emotional reaction there is towards this series, and I never thought I’d turn out to be a little (A LOT) sad. Ned Stark’s head rolling on the Great Sept of Baelor was inevitable, and The Red Wedding was just completely senseless. Hodor’s death sends us the message that for war sometimes, the ends can justify the means, but it doesn’t equate that the means aren’t unbearable.
Thank you for reading, and until next time!
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