13 Reasons Not To See ’13 Reasons Why’

13 Reasons Why, now available on Netflix, is based on a 2007 bestselling Young Adult novel by Jay Asher. It details the story of Hannah Baker, the ‘new girl’ at Liberty High, and her life — more specifically,  how it ended. My first honest thoughts were that this series had to be groundbreaking to pull something a story like this off. Here are thirteen reasons not to see 13 Reasons Why:

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  1. It isn’t the mystery that you’re used to. So if you aren’t into seeing a mystery unfolding as our (living) protagonist Clay Jensen listen to Hannah Baker’s reasons for killing herself, then don’t fucking see it. Leave it to the suckers for an actually good mystery.
  2. The characters are completely stereotypical. Jocks, mean popular girls, nerds, etc. Also, the characters completely change as the story progresses, so if you aren’t into seeing character development on characters your teen dramas, you will not enjoy this series. You’d be confused.
  3. Speaking of confusing: the way it handles time is dizzying. 13 Reasons Why takes place in the present, as Clay listens to the tapes, but also in the past at different points on the timeline before Hannah’s suicide. So there are many times that the show confuses the viewer. It may be confusing on purpose, but for what?! To embellish the mystery? To show how clever the whole series was shot? Meh.
  4. The music completely sucks. I mean, why use Joy Division’s ‘Love Will Tear Us Apart’ in a teen drama? There was a great opportunity to use the latest and greatest in pop music. It was supposed to be a great mix of new and old, but I guess they just missed the mark in making it feel more in the now.
  5. Because listening to a Hannah’s tapes is unreliable. I mean, shit, SURE LET’S LISTEN TO THE OVERLY DRAMATIC DEAD GIRL’S TAPES AND BELIEVE HER. Because she’s totally right about everything, right? Wrong. It doesn’t just make the story interesting but it also makes the characters more human. But who would want to see a show like that? I’d rather look at my own life.
  6. It’s not just a teenage drama. It’s a story about suicide. It’s something you don’t go for when you’re looking for simple, unsympathetic characters and a story that ultimately may be an important and profound one for many young people.
  7. The acting is meh. Langford (Hannah Baker) and Minnette (Clay Jensen) carry the show — you might get a little sick of them. Kate Walsh (Olivia Baker) is the biggest star of the series and if she doesn’t do it for us then meh.
  8. It’s not like most of the series on Netflix. There are awesome comedies, Marvel shows, and much of them are very good. Much better than this hodge-podge of mystery, teen angst and character drama.

I give up. The original form of this article was supposed to be dripping in (some type of) satirical sarcasm, but alas, I fail to do so. If you don’t get it by now (because of me being unable to get the point across), the reasons above point to why you should see 13 Reasons Why on Netflix. Here below are some of the actual weak points I’ve seen in the series:

  1. It’s not funny at all. I mean, I get it, it deals with a very serious issue. But even suicide stories have to be a little bit funny, right? Not even Hannah Baker had a life that could benefit from a bit of humor.
  2. Seriously, the 13 episodes (much like this article) is a total stretch. You’ll be noticing that some episodes (much like the points of this article) are flimsier than the rest. 10 Reasons Why would’ve been enough, but it would definitely be less poetic.
  3. The story sometimes just drifts away from reality a bit. Teen drama is one thing, it’s very real and the magnitude of drama could be enormous. But there are times that the show is just too much (this is coming from somebody who remembers being a high school teenager pretty well). Hannah’s elaborate tapes and map points was a little bit out-there for someone on the brink of ending her life. Also, the tapes being passed around among these students and not being seen or caught by any adult is far-fetched to me.
  4. I worry about the subject matter. As a manic-depressive myself, I worry about  potentially suicidal teens and copycat suicides. If you think about it, it’s a really satisfying way to exact revenge on people you think caused a decision as final as suicide. 13 Reasons Why is framed as a revenge story, and it’s awful. It is art, and I support the creators for tackling this issue, but it is still awful. I hope it has a positive impact on teens across the world.
  5. Mental illness isn’t in the focus in this show. Okay, not all suicides are caused by mental illness. But depression and the way it can lead to suicide is much more complicated than just how people impact one person’s life. Disturbingly, these reasons are given the boot in favor of mystery and conspiracy. That’s really good for TV, but a letdown for the harsh realities of teen suicide on the sidelines.

Verdict:

13 Reasons Why is something you should definitely watch. There will be a lot of things you probably won’t understand if you aren’t aware on depression and mental illness, and the consensus on its entire premise should be in a platform like Netflix (or TV) is definitely one to be debated on, but it is a well-written, beautifully acted (and shot) teen drama that will leave you thinking for days.

Drogon, Rhaegal, and Viserion are now the size of jets and I am STOKED!

Us Game of Thrones fans never lack appreciation for Daenerys’ three dragons, but there always has been some diminishing returns in terms of their size. But leave it to the upcoming season 7 of the HBO hit to make them even bigger, despite the difficulty to portray them onscreen. They are now the size of commercial jets!

First time GOT director Matt Shankman shared with Entertainment Weekly, but without how (or where!) the Mother of Dragons might use her babies.

The dragons this year are the size of 747s. Drogon is the biggest of the bunch — his flame is 30-feet in diameter!

George R. R. Martin previously shared a photo of a full-grown Balerion the Black Dread, the dragon of Aegon the Conqueror, no less, looking about the same size as a small airplane. But from our experience, HBO goes their own way with size (remember the real size of the Iron Throne?).

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J. Gonzalez / Bantam Publishing

Game Of Thrones Season 7 is now set to air July 16, 2017 on HBO. Teaser below!

#GoTS7

 

 

4 Reasons Why The Walking Dead’s (Really) Dead to Me

I was starting to feel that the roller-coaster ride that was AMC’s The Walking Dead‘s seasons 3-6 was going to be all loopedy-loops from then on. My friends and family were losing interest in what could be one of the best zombie apocalypse stories on the small screen, and I was thinking to myself – why am I still holding on?

Then came the finale of season 6, where TWD has betrayed me once more by leaving me hanging on a first person’s POV of being fucked in the head by a baseball bat laced with barbed wire.

What. The. Fuck. 

Those were my last words, staring at my reflection on the screen of my laptop while the bloodcurdling sound of flesh torn away by Lucille filled my girlfriend’s (@chimaap everywhere) bedroom. Then I knew what The Walking Dead was now: it wasn’t a TV series, it was a cheap goddamn joke.

Now at season 7, I’ve decided that I will only see the first episode, see who died, and if I still want to watch, then so be it. Because its easier to quit smoking 10 years, than quitting this show cold-turkey. So after suffering through episode 1, here are 4 reasons why I’m closing the (comic) book on The Walking Dead, forever.

TWD has morphed from apocalyptic drama to unbearable, shitload-of-torture drama. The gory details of cruelty of The Walking Dead‘s seasons past were easy to sweep under a rug as most of the time this actually gives way to further improve the story, or develop a certain character – but this time whether it be the first Glenn Rhee (almost) death, the cliffhanger of the 6th season finale, the 20-minute wait before our questions are answered and Negan bashes Abraham’s skull, they all felt like just schemes to promote #HYPE(insert baseball bat emoji here). The episode even added suspense when Rick was told to chop off Carl’s arm. This wasn’t a story, it was just blind, horrific violence.

Season 7 Episode 1 has projected the whole show as a hollow shell of television material. I’m not one to be against violence on TV (I’ve gone through all Game of Thrones Episode 9s and this), but TWD‘s season 7 premiere went beyond the boundaries of quality storytelling, and some of its fans’ limits as well. It begins its last few chapters as bits and pieces of its protagonists are hanging by the barbed teeth of a baseball bat (and scattered onto the ground). I mean think about it:

Rick depositing the contents of his sinuses and salivary glands all over himself to depict utter helplessness,

The facial contortion of Maggie to an expression of anguish and devastation,

Abraham’s death decidedly becomes a fake-out, and Glenn was murdered in the worst possible way.

these are tactics employed in horror films that are ended in 2-3 hours, not in a TV series opening its seventh season. Oh and the cherry on top:

Glenn’s skull barely holding on to his eyeball as he tries to be coherent with his final words.

TWD apparently has nothing but utter scorn for its viewers. Okay, okay, maybe it’s just a stupid zombie series, and gore together with cheap deaths are part and parcel of how these shows entertain, but it used to have really awe-inspiring storytelling and character development. Now we have nothing but shallow characters destined to die, and a show that pretends to be artful and bold.

Context is and always will be everything. Given the history of this TV production where sick amounts of blood are obviously sick CGI skills, its pretty surprising how the shots of Glenn’s murder was nothing but outrageous, and totally off-character. It’s not difficult to see that this as yet another example of bullying the audience’s emotions to get a cheap reaction. I mean, I was already expecting half-pregnant Maggie to be killed off just as brutally, or actually have to watch while a father divides his son’s arm in two with an axe.

JUST RESPECT YOURSELF MORE AND JUST SHOOT TWD IN THE HEAD. If there were any time to say no to this series – to exercise your will not just a viewer but as a human being – that time is now. Actually, it was 4 nights ago. We all witnessed a psychopathic display of cruelty and contempt, all for the attempt to confirm allegiance and submission to the show that is The Walking Dead.

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Game of Thrones Opens The Door to a Whole New Level of Heartbreak

 

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You had twice the warning on the spoilers past this point, so I don’t want to hear that I’m a total #CuntyMcCuntface for writing this.

I have mixed thoughts on the episode that marked halftime on 2016’s run of the HBO hit series, Game of Thrones, titled ‘The Door’.

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Sansa Stark grows a pair of ovaries after 5 and half-long seasons, and stands up for herself for the first time with Littlefinger. It was pretty awesome seeing Petyr Baelish quiver, but he does something at the end of the scene that makes me think that maybe budding Wonder Woman Sansa will be short-lived.

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We are all so ready to ship #Torienne (#Briemund?), but since Sansa sends Brienne of Tarth out questing for her uncle, Brynden “The Blackfish” Tully, and his supposed army to back her claim of Winterfell, it doesn’t look like there’ll be any developments on Brienne’s lovelife anytime soon, unless she runs into the Kingslayer, Jamie Lannister, on her way to the South.

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Non-blind Arya Stark continues stick-fighting at The House of Black and White, and Jaqen H’ghar decides it may be time for her to move into another phase of the course – actually trying to kill someone. Its clear that this is little Arya’s last chance, its either Lady Crane’s or her face on the wall. She meets Lady Crane on a spying sesh backstage of the theater (that by the way, was pretty entertaining), decides she is a pretty okay girl, and starts to wonder why she needs to kill the thespian. Jaqen shuts her up by stating that she is a servant of the Many-Faced god and servants shut up.

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Yara and Theon galavants away with the entire (?) Iron Fleet, after being ousted from the Salt Throne at Pyke, by their own uncle, Euron Greyjoy by impressing the voters of the Kingsmoot with the details of Balon Greyjoy’s death. Really, Yara should’ve known that her fellow ironborn wouldn’t turn away by a guy (cock intact) who is willing to toss his brother off a rope bridge.

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Jorah is still Lord Friend-zone and not Lord of the Stoned Men. And also, Daenerys telling commanding him to find a cure to his incurable rock eczema is such nice way to completely send his ass to Friend-zone lands, because, obviously that’s what you tell someone with a fucked-up terminal disease. But good job on the Dothraki (but how do you go about bring all of them to Westeros tho? *Euron clears throat*), Dany.

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Younger, hotter Melissandre 2.0 is introduced this episode, to help with the Mother of Dragons’ PR combined with this whole R’hollor biz. Good work, rattling Varys with his childhood trauma and all. Nice.

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Bran fucks up and now is the new Three-Eyed Raven. He blatantly disobeys his boss’ rule not to go on telepathic trips solo, and ends up sending their pinpoint location to the Night’s King via Waze(teros). The Children of the Forest (the bitches responsible for the White Walkers in the first place) try to keep out the intruders with fairy grenades, but fail to do so (killing Summer, Bran’s direwolf, in the process). After a zombie attack/chase that puts AMC’s The Walking Dead to shame, Meera Reed escapes with (literally) white-eyed Bran, thanks to the heartbreakingly perfect hero, Hodor.

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We now know why Hodor is, well, Hodor. In the most perfect way possible – a person like Hodor dying a hero’s death. I experienced almost every possible emotional reaction there is towards this series, and I never thought I’d turn out to be a little (A LOT) sad. Ned Stark’s head rolling on the Great Sept of Baelor was inevitable, and The Red Wedding was just completely senseless. Hodor’s death sends us the message that for war sometimes, the ends can justify the means, but it doesn’t equate that the means aren’t unbearable.

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Daenerys Targaryen here is all of us, after ‘The Door’

Thank you for reading, and until next time!

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To cheer you up:

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